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Obama: 'Help Us Destroy Jesus And Start A New Age Of Liberal Darkness' - The Onion. CHARLOTTE, NC—With the savage roar of the heathen Democratic horde rising all around him, President Barack Obama delivered an incendiary speech to close his party’s national convention Thursday night, commanding the ultraprogressive minions in attendance to help him “destroy Jesus and usher in a new age of liberal darkness that shall reign o’er the earth for a thousand years.”The thunderous 4. Jesus once and for all, as well as all those who worship him”—was well received by the frenzied, wild- eyed audience, whose piercing chants of “Four more years!” and “Slaughter the believers!” echoed throughout the Time Warner Cable Arena.“My fellow Americans and godless infidels, I command you to join me as we cast an endless pall of far- left evil across the hills and valleys of our nation!” Obama bellowed from the stage, as thousands in attendance moaned in compliance and gyrated their hips and groins in a lascivious dance. If reelected, the president said, he would begin by banning organized religion entirely—starting with Christianity—and burning all churches to the ground, preferably “with their wretched, Jesus- loving congregants still huddled inside like rats.”As members of the audience violently tugged at their genitals and howled like sex- starved, atheist wolves, Obama stated that his administration would then seek to make free, taxpayer- funded abortions legal at any stage of pregnancy, even up to one full year after birth, in order to supply his newly created “federal stem- cell harvesting plants” with raw materials. In addition, the cackling president vowed to “end traditional marriage as we know it” by passing legislation that would allow only homosexuals to raise children, a longtime Democratic policy goal.“A glorious new age of sinister, unconstrained liberalism is dawning! Oh, dear Satan, I can feel it coursing through my veins at this very moment!” shrieked Obama, ripping off his shirt to reveal an ornate tattoo of a pentagram, with a different homosexual act positioned at each of the star’s five points.

Any good, virtuous, family- values- oriented Christian Americans who seek to topple our magnificent liberal kingdom of eternal darkness will be powerless to stop us! We will crush them!”Added Obama, “Thank you, may Satan reward you all, and may God tremble in fear at the United States of America!”The president was then handed an unbaptized, orphaned newborn baby drenched in the blood of 6. Christians, which he handed over to its new, gleefully squealing homosexual parents.

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Destiny Grimoire— Eksori’s Ambush —His foot pressed hard to the sun- cracked ground. Beneath it the Vandal’s neck gave; a hiss of ether burst free before dissipating. Rezyl turned. Their Captain raised his shock blade high, unleashing a battle cry to fuel their courage. Focused fire spit from the muzzle of Rezyl’s full- auto. The Dregs fell. To the Captain, Rezyl was a trophy that would buy unmatched respect among his Devil brothers. To Rezyl, the Captain was already an afterthought. As ether leaked from the pirate’s broken body with each blow of Rezyl’s heavy fists, Rezyl’s attention had shifted to the unknown, but inevitable, battles to follow.

This was the state of things; conflict as common as breath.— The Tescan Valley Encounter —A Ketch with unfamiliar markings hung low between two peaks. Fallen flagships weren’t known to linger so close to the surface, preferring constant motion, like sharks on the hunt. Skiffs circled below the Ketch as their crews prepared to plunder any treasures the facility held. Rezyl leveled his rocket launcher. A digital ping signaled a lock, and a trail of smoke shot toward the lead Skiff. Two more rockets followed in rapid succession. The lead Skiff took two hits, lurched and retreated back toward the Ketch above.

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The third rocket caught a trailing Skiff as the craft turned to engage its attackers. Rezyl looked back. Hassa hated Rezyl’s plans with equal parts envy and concern.“Lead the Skiffs away,” he continued.

Easily navigate and read Bungie's Destiny Grimoire cards. Grimoire cards offer more in-depth lore and commentary into the Destiny universe. Unfortunately, Bungie's. God, initially known to Sam and Dean as Chuck Shurley, is a powerful primordial being who created the universe and nearly everything it contains, including the human soul.

Rezyl watched from cover as the Skiffs gave chase. The Fallen below had taken defensive positions. The rocket attack caught them off guard but they were ready now, and there were more of them than he had time to count. Rezyl raced down the slope, weaving between the thick growth of brush and pine, on a direct path for the Fallen clustered at the mountain’s base, his Ghost at his side.“I need you to hang back.”“Uhhh..”“Trust me.”“Always have.”“How quick can you light my spark?”“You expect to die?

Can’t say that’s the best— ”“How quick?”“Quick.”“Be ready.”“For?”“You’ll know.”Rezyl’s Ghost slowed as the Guardian hit the valley floor. The Fallen opened fire. Rezyl leapt from his Sparrow as it transmatted away, his rifle spraying lead at the entrenched pirates.

The Fallen’s Arc bolts peppered Rezyl. Eager Dregs rushed and were met with death as Rezyl marched forward. A massive blast cratered the ground a few feet from the Titan. The Ketch had turned its guns on Rezyl. Another blast impacted to Rezyl’s left and he stumbled. A third exploded directly in his path... Rezyl fell. From the treeline, his Ghost watched as the Fallen celebrated and a Skiff drifted down from the Ketch above.

The circle around Rezyl’s body parted and the imposing figure of their Kell stepped forward to admire his prize. The chittering excitement quieted to a steady drone as the Kell lifted Rezyl’s limp body by the neck. A chorus rose among the crew, growing louder as the Kell hefted Rezyl over his head for all to see. Rezyl’s Ghost darted low through the crowd.

He didn’t like Rezyl’s plan, but now he understood it. Distracted by their Kell’s triumph, the Ghost’s presence went unnoticed until a beam of light swept over Rezyl’s body.

The mood shifted instantly, cheers turning to ravenous shouts. The Kell’s gaze fell to the Ghost as the beam faded. The circle began to collapse — the Fallen set to pounce. As the Kell moved to toss Rezyl aside, cold steel met the underside of the alien marauder’s jaw, followed by a red flash as Rezyl pulled his cannon’s trigger. Ether spewed in an angry geyser and the Kell’s grip loosened.

Rezyl hit the ground and unloaded five more rounds into the Fallen leader’s torso. The monster dropped. Frenzied, the Kell’s crew closed in like a flood. Rezyl’s Ghost lifted above the fray, frantic, “Now! Now!”In one motion, Rezyl rose from a crouch, his fists clenched and raised high as a storm of Arc Light built within him, his full might raining down on the Kell’s chest.

The shockwave of Rezyl’s attack hit like a meteor, shattering the Kell’s body and any Fallen within the Havoc storm’s radius. The remaining Fallen staggered, knocked back and dazed. Rezyl triggered his Sparrow. His Ghost flew to his side, “We leaving?”“Before that Ketch opens up on us.”Rezyl punched the throttle as the Fallen crew opened fire.“Let’s never do that again,” his Ghost pleaded. Rezyl didn’t have to reply.

If war was a constant, “never” was just an illusion. Living in the wilds was all they had known.

These people had heard stories of a safer place, but tales of a better life were so rarely true. Rezyl and his companions had been tracking these Fallen for weeks. Had they caught them sooner this town would have been spared.

That any survivors climbed from the rubble to see another day marked this as a victory, but Rezyl was growing tired of small wins, however meaningful. That evening, Rezyl and the others led a gathering of survivors on the long journey to the growing city beneath the Traveler. Some settlers remained behind, choosing to stake their claim in the untamed wilds. Rezyl admired their resolve, but never looked back. He knew whatever death these brave pioneers avoided that day would come to them..